warning: not a happy topic, but keep reading.

A friend had posted a link on facebook to a blog post about "What you can do to help a grieving family." The blogger, a mother who lost her son in a tragic accident this past September, posted this wonderful list of things to do or say. Most of us are paralyzed in these interactions, not wanting to upset someone who is grieving.

On Christmas Eve 2011, I woke up and found myself going through old emails--the ones that I had from when Meghan, my classmate and friend from my study abroad program, was killed in a bus accident in Peru. I had written about her, on the fourth anniversary of her death, in my old blog. The group of us had put together a memory book that summer (and through the fall and winter), which traveled around the world, collecting stories and photographs from the 14 of us, which was hand-delivered by one of our group to Meghan's parents in March of the following year. Meghan's parents had asked us to write, and I never felt I was close enough to her, or I didn't want to upset them. 

But for some reason, I felt compelled to write to them on Christmas Eve. I wanted to tell them about all of the times that I've thought about Meghan over the past 5 1/2 years. She loved monkeys, so when I went to Africa, I naturally thought about her. She was one of the reasons I wanted to get a DSLR to take photos (which is now one of my favorite things to do). I shared with them the things I have wanted to share with Meghan. I shared with them what her death has meant to me. I offered to send them an email she had sent to us just hours before she was gone.

I have not heard back from them, and for a time I've regretted it. Until I read this post from Anna at An Inch of Gray. The only regret I have is not sending the email sooner.

I feel I've been surrounded by so much loss in my short life that I need to be better prepared for dealing with this. I hate being at funeral homes, and I've been spending a lot of time there recently, after losing Uncle Ken and Poppa in the past few months. And we're just a few weeks away from 10 years without Uncle Parkie. (I was not able to write that without getting a huge pit in my throat and starting to cry).

With my upcoming wedding, I've been thinking about ways to honor family members mentioned, especially because their absence will be very noticeable because of how fresh some of this is. I have seen calla lilies on the alter during the ceremony for those no longer with us. And Pinterest gave me this idea:

source

but the number of pictures I would have to have, just for my family would take over my bouquet (I'm at 8, just out of grandparents, and aunts/uncles). So I'm working on something else. I'm hoping with my renewed sense of how to help those grieving (myself included), that a remembrance gesture like this would be well-received.

Thanks for reading and putting up with this. I feel that the tips on what to do and say are helpful for all, so I just needed to share (and then my heart takes over and the above mess is what results).

Have you seen other ways to remember loved ones at a wedding?