10 years.

[i know i haven't posted in forever, but i'll get to reasoning behind that. i just can't go by without taking note of this.]

april 29, 2002. i can't believe it's been ten years since uncle parkie left us. [i wrote about this last year, too]

at the time i had been keeping an online diary elsewhere, and even though it was a terrible time in my life, it's great to have those memories documented.

i remember that day so vividly, and reading my old journal entries makes me remember every detail. i remember driving the 3.5 hours to my sister's college, running into one of her friends and asking him to let us in the building, and just walking to my sister's room. she was so excited to see us, and then she realized why we were there.

and then there's the entry i wrote about the wake and funeral. sometimes, my teenage self wrote really oddly (not that i don't still write oddly now, but it's just different). but this entry gives me some hope, and since i occasionally find myself in the inconsolable state i was in 10 years ago, this makes me feel a little better.

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1000+, that's the amount of people that came to my uncle's viewing on Wednesday night. The line was out the door, and around the corner, and people waited almost 2 and a half hours to get to pay their last respects. So many students. So many PEOPLE. Everybody was flabbergasted and speechless. Nobody complained about waiting on line because the only conversation outside was about him, and they learned something new about him, as a friend, as a young child, as a teacher, as anything. In the sports section of the newspaper, there was an article about him that called him a legend, saying it was a sad day for all of central jersey.

So many people. I got to see some people that I would have liked to have seen, but just for a better occasion. Everything was so beautiful. So many flowers, from the school, from sports teams, from everybody. They got an embroidered thing for inside the casket that had music notes on it and said "Parkie" which was his nickname that everyone knew him as. On Wednesday before everybody came, me and my 4 cousins put something in the casket. My sister put in the game ball from her first varsity softball win, my cousin michele put in her tuba mouthpiece and her varsity softball pin. my cousin john put in his hat from his baseball team. my cousin stephanie put in a packet of bazooka gum, because uncle parkie always had bazooka gum. I put in a pin that said "Music: Pass it On" because that's exactly what he did.

Throughout the viewing, students and other people added things into the casket. One student put a set of drumsticks into the casket, and said "he taught me to play drums on these" another student made a drawing of a drum set that said RIP Mr. Barrett on it... the girls softball team(of who he used to be the coach) came in uniform and put in a ball signed by all of them.

At the funeral service on Thursday there was standing room only when there were chairs set up for 150+ people. A history teacher at my school talked [and old friend of his], and then my cousin michele talked. And she said that "it would always be April 29th, not February 3rd, the day the music died."

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he was so loved by so many people. and i bet that many of them have forgotten, or he may just be a distant memory in their minds. but he's here, front and center, always in my mind.

there's been a lot of loss in the past few weeks in my life--somewhat distantly connected. i can't help but think of uncle p. i know that he's been there in spirit through some major milestones in my life, shining down on us. i can't wait for him to be there with us this summer.

by the way, his wedding date was august 17th, the day before mine.

i miss you, uncle p.

30-day workout challenge, part II UPDATE

I beat myself up the last time I posted about my failing 30-day workout challenge (part II). And, yeah, I'm am crazy busy, so I'm trying to work out when I can, but trying not to stress over it if I can't work out or am just too tuckered out. (stress leads to increased cortisol levels, which is not helping that stubborn belly fat; nor, is getting less than 8 hours of sleep).

so, here's where we stand.

day 11: NOTHING

day 12: NOTHING

day 13: hot yoga (90 min)

day 14:NOTHING

day 15: pilates (45 min), bodypump (60 min)

day 16: elliptical (45 min), core strengthening (15 min)

day 17: pilates (60 min)

day 18: NOTHING

day 19: worse than NOTHING (sat in the car for 7 hours)

day 20: not exactly exercising (but i spent the day on my feet, battering and breading fish, and running to get supplies)

day 21: NOTHING went fishing

day 22: NOTHING (if you drive 7 hours one way, you eventually have to go back...)

my goodness.  i'm 10 for 22. this is not a good average. so i need to work out everyday from now through the end of this 30 days, and i still will not match what i did the last 30 days.

 

i'm starting to feel the crunch of wedding pressure now. i spent the past two nights working on photos for our slideshow for the rehearsal dinner. i know this is not a super-pressing issue, but if i don't get started on it now, it will never get done and then it will be too late.

i need to better balance all of this. my body is definitely telling me that i'm not doing as awesome as i did before. the next week and a half is definitely going to be a test--i'm working a few evenings, my parents will be staying at my place (e.g., i need to get my act together), and going to my cousin's wedding.

i still have a lot of updating to do on this. i've yet to write about our trip to texas (which was a MONTH ago), and so many wedding things to post about.

any tips for how you best juggle your life?

wedding wednesday: rings

oh my goodness, so much to post. i haven't posted any wedding updates in FOREVER. hey, life has been busy. so since we're just over 4 months away, i think this is a good time to try to discipline myself to do a weekly wedding wednesday post. (maybe it will be bi-weekly, we'll see how it goes.)


so, since this is a topic fresh on my mind, i think its a good place to start. if you're already engaged, hopefully your other half bought you something that you like and that fits with your style. this was so important to me (and i'm glad Andy did a good job!)--because i was not looking for multiple stones, something vintage-looking or antique. i just wanted simple beauty--a princess cut solitaire set in white gold.

my ring!

if you're not already engaged, i am a total supporter of making sure of what you want (if you're the one to receive the ring), so that your significant other has the knowledge  (and confidence) to get a ring that you're going to love.  i'm not as much into going to pick out the SPECIFIC ring (that takes away from the surprise of the proposal!), but Andy and i went to jewelry stores (a few years ago), and looked at rings. i told him what i liked. i even gave him a carat amount that i was looking for (which he far exceeded). 

antique ring

he shopped and picked the ring out on his own, and held on to it for nearly two months before he proposed and completely surprised me. and i LOVE that. he told me that the sales people in the stores tried to make him stray and purchase a ring with side stones, and all sorts of other styles, but he knew what i wanted and stuck with it.


but so now, we're on the hunt for our wedding bands. and there are so many questions! 

• do you want them to match? 
• what metal do you want them in? his differently than hers? 
• diamonds or not? how do you want them set? 
• what width band? 
• for the ladies, will you do an anniversary band on the other side of your engagement ring, or a ring enhancer?
• do you want something traditional or non-traditional (like something funky & modern)?

anniversary bands

really!? a camo ring?

  
(when i went to the site for the anniversary bands, i noticed they also have camouflage rings....)







 while i won't give away all of my wedding secrets yet, we've decided on getting two sets of rings. we both work outside, and spend a lot of time outside during our free time, so we wanted to get rings that are sturdy, and less expensive. [we call these 'our work rings']. let's face it, i am not wearing my engagement ring when i'm traipsing through streams. so these are our work rings:

titanium with a stripe of sterling silver

 (we purchased these rings from Titanium Knights on Etsy)

then we will have our nice rings. for the days we're in the office, and go out to nice events. and for me, i really wanted these to match. which i knew for me meant no diamonds (Andy objected). your wedding band should match styles with your engagement ring. if you have an antique ring,  a modern wedding band might look a little odd. luckily, a diamond solitaire has ENDLESS possibilities. as i was looking for a simpler band, one of the things i had to figure out was the width of the ring. and how that would look on my small hands, and next to my engagement ring. (i went with a 3mm band).

Irish Claddagh

i wasn't looking for anything super fancy, i just wanted them to be special, personal. the rings symbolize the promise that you will make to each other, and they will be an outward symbol of your commitment. my mom told me that she still loves the idea (more than 30 years later) that the ring my dad wears is the ring that she put on his finger on their wedding day [my mom lost hers in the ocean, and they had a replacement made, but she has worn a ring enhancer set for years].

plain domed bands

after the wedding day, you're not going to wear your dress, shoes, do your hair up the same, have a professional do your make-up, and have all of this food catered to you. you'll have photos to remind you of the day, but the one thing that will be the same every day are the rings that you wear.


rings may not seem like a big deal, but for me, they are one of the most important parts of the day. you'll just have to stay tuned for what we chose! :)


what are your thoughts on wedding rings?

warning: not a happy topic, but keep reading.

A friend had posted a link on facebook to a blog post about "What you can do to help a grieving family." The blogger, a mother who lost her son in a tragic accident this past September, posted this wonderful list of things to do or say. Most of us are paralyzed in these interactions, not wanting to upset someone who is grieving.

On Christmas Eve 2011, I woke up and found myself going through old emails--the ones that I had from when Meghan, my classmate and friend from my study abroad program, was killed in a bus accident in Peru. I had written about her, on the fourth anniversary of her death, in my old blog. The group of us had put together a memory book that summer (and through the fall and winter), which traveled around the world, collecting stories and photographs from the 14 of us, which was hand-delivered by one of our group to Meghan's parents in March of the following year. Meghan's parents had asked us to write, and I never felt I was close enough to her, or I didn't want to upset them. 

But for some reason, I felt compelled to write to them on Christmas Eve. I wanted to tell them about all of the times that I've thought about Meghan over the past 5 1/2 years. She loved monkeys, so when I went to Africa, I naturally thought about her. She was one of the reasons I wanted to get a DSLR to take photos (which is now one of my favorite things to do). I shared with them the things I have wanted to share with Meghan. I shared with them what her death has meant to me. I offered to send them an email she had sent to us just hours before she was gone.

I have not heard back from them, and for a time I've regretted it. Until I read this post from Anna at An Inch of Gray. The only regret I have is not sending the email sooner.

I feel I've been surrounded by so much loss in my short life that I need to be better prepared for dealing with this. I hate being at funeral homes, and I've been spending a lot of time there recently, after losing Uncle Ken and Poppa in the past few months. And we're just a few weeks away from 10 years without Uncle Parkie. (I was not able to write that without getting a huge pit in my throat and starting to cry).

With my upcoming wedding, I've been thinking about ways to honor family members mentioned, especially because their absence will be very noticeable because of how fresh some of this is. I have seen calla lilies on the alter during the ceremony for those no longer with us. And Pinterest gave me this idea:

source

but the number of pictures I would have to have, just for my family would take over my bouquet (I'm at 8, just out of grandparents, and aunts/uncles). So I'm working on something else. I'm hoping with my renewed sense of how to help those grieving (myself included), that a remembrance gesture like this would be well-received.

Thanks for reading and putting up with this. I feel that the tips on what to do and say are helpful for all, so I just needed to share (and then my heart takes over and the above mess is what results).

Have you seen other ways to remember loved ones at a wedding?