house hunting woes

we have been looking on and off to buy our first home since november 2010. we had no idea what we were doing then (we still are learning so much), so we didn't even know how to budget appropriately and determine what we could afford. a mortgage consultant told us we are qualified for much more house than we think we can afford (that doesn't mean we can actually afford what we're qualified for). 

but it's been a really frustrating process. we decided to hold back in mid-2011, i was looking for a bit of additional commitment from andy in the form of a promise with shiny jewelry. when we started wedding planning, we began looking again. we've found places that we really like, and have tried to cut our budget and save up as much as possible to afford a place. 

we live in a really pricey area (one of the most expensive areas in pennsylvania), and we both work in the public sector (e.g., we don't make a lot of money). so we're not looking for anything too extravagant, just a home that we can start our family in.

there is someone i know, who i talk about this to, who is just trying to help. this person has a family with kids (also has a husband with a good high paying job), owns a home, and tries to tell me all about the great deals she's getting on refinancing and how i should buy now! i know i should buy now, but she gets a better rate by doing a 5 year adjustable mortgage vs. a 30 year fixed mortgage. we don't have the flexibility to take on fluctuations in the market. and if we can't afford it, we can't afford it. end of story. 

i just don't like being pushed, and it just makes me feel even worse about our situation. we're planning for a wedding, a honeymoon, and just getting started. we are doing better than barely making ends meet in our renting situation, but the jump to purchasing is more than our extra money allows. 

[and i do admit, part of the issue is that i drive about an hour to work NOW. there are some homes we can afford that are 20 minutes in the opposite direction. i'm not willing to spend nearly 3 hours on the road every day to get to and from work. we're pidgeon-holed into a certain area between our jobs. and it's not exactly the best time for job searching, and we both love our jobs.]

one of the townhomes that we REALLY liked just went under contract. it's hard to see the places we like go to someone else. perhaps a second job is in order for me.